One Year Later:
So, we are a year into the era of “when everything changed for us.” I’ve wanted to write a blog post about how things have affected us all, but kept thinking I would wait until everything was over, whatever that meant. It’s looking like we are coming out of the darkness, but it’s been an excruciatingly slow process.
With that in mind, I’ve been giving some thought to how we are all dealing with difficult emotions while enduring through the pandemic – even as we feel impatient to be at the end of the journey. As we are in a place of waiting, it’s likely we are still showing signs of stress due to the continuing and complicated trauma of the past year. As adults, it’s often difficult to recognize our own reactions to things like loss, isolation, and disruption. For our children, it’s even harder to tell what behaviors are linked to expressions of loneliness and stress. Here are a few examples of how children tell us that they need support:
What to look for in younger children:
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Changes in eating
- Sudden loss of interest in activities
- Withdrawal (physical or emotional)
- Outbursts of anger or crying
- Regression or loss of skills that were previously mastered (e.g., tying shoes, nighttime incontinence)
- Clinging to parents/caregivers
- Sudden preoccupation with death, or fear of losing parents
- Controlling behaviors during play with peers or siblings
What to look for in teens:
- Changes in sleep (sleeping longer or going to bed at unusual times)
- Controlling behaviors around food and/or disinterest in food
- Spending more time alone or actively avoiding interaction
- Drop in grades and not turning in homework
- School refusal (not attending school, either online or in person)
- Avoiding friends/changing friend groups or not responding to friends’ calls/texts
- Sudden and unusual preoccupation with social media and gaming
- Signs of self-harm, like cuts, bruising, or reckless disregard for safety*
*If you or your child may be at-risk of self-harm or harm to others, please reach out to appropriate resources, such as Colorado Crisis Services: 1-844-493-8255 or Text “TALK” to 38255.
These are some of the more common signs that children and teens need our support. What can we do to help them? Some ideas include reaching out to counselors, therapists, and clergy to talk about how we are doing. Other options are to engage with trusted family and friends who support us. Knowing that in-person services are limited right now, there are also apps* that we can use individually with our children, and there are many books on managing anxiety for children and teens. Making sure our children get appropriate sleep, exercise, and time outside is also important.
As a final note, beyond external support and trying different things, we also need to take care of ourselves as parents. To take care of our families, we have to be in the right space to do so. This means recognizing when we are maxed out, too. What does that mean for us? That means noticing when we have less patience, when we are quick to anger, and when we feel that we just don’t have the answers (which is okay, as there is no right way to do things). Dealing with ambiguity is hard, and the unknown can feel overwhelming. This is why is it critical for parents to reach out and ask for support, and to know that we are not alone.*
*If you are interested in free family resources, they can be found here:
https://www.simplepractice.com/blog/kids-anxiety-apps-share-parents/
https://www.cdc.gov/parents/index.html